The Shikon Jewel for Healing

I will start with Courage.

荒魂, Courage
Having the courage to stop blaming oneself takes a lot more effort than one may think.

But it's worth the effort.

Taking the courage to face your feelings head on, is a lot harder in practice than in theory.

But it is liberating.

The healing process takes a while. For some - many months; for others - many years.

My experience with deep hurt says, with the intent to heal and come out stronger on the other side, is an awesome way to go. Of course, it depends on the depth of hurt.

So to that I say, to each his/her own.

But for me, I didn't want to fall into a deep dark place of horrid nightmares. Angry, yes, but I would not allow myself to remain at rock bottom.

So I turned to face me, and apologized to myself. I turned to me and forgave myself.

And now the BIG part: the Courage to speak.

Oh, that took time. A little over one year for me. It is still a bit scary, for fear of judgement [naturally]; but it is liberating.

Things became clearer. I become stronger. My mind becomes emptier and lighter. I feel as if I'm running on 'high'...with no desire to slow or back down.

It's how I felt. It's how I feel. I'm sharing it.

I will have a shining Shikon Jewel by the end of my healing journey. It was shattered last Autumn.

Gatheirng the pieces have been trying...an emotional ordeal.

But with great effort, the pieces are coming together again.

It's been tainted - nearly dark. But the light is returning.


...my heart flutters with an upswell of untamed energy...

...I can barely breath deeply and remain conscious...


The Lion...

The Water's of the Aquarium...

...are much like the waters of the unconscious. Once acknowledged and revealed, there is a surge...

and wha-la! So much is released.

That's how I feel...

...these past few days.

Wanting to speak. Honestly.

Openly.

I have here and there to speak.

There will hold things that cannot be held Here.

Not just any aquarium...Pandora's Aquarium.

You may look it up if you'd like. But all discussion of such ends here...

The sound of RAINN...

What happened confused me and I wasn't sure what to call it. So telling what happened to someone from RAINN helped me to share; I was provided with information for me to name what happened. The bottom line is, I did not consent to sexual activity.

NO matter how many times my 'mind' tries to rationalize, my 'soul' speaks up and says "In the end, you did not consent". And so there it is.

The Shikon no Tama

No. It did not take me long to come up with a name...rather, to find a name suitable for this blog.

I found it to be more suitable than any.

Shikon no Tama, translates to The Jewel of Four Souls. It is a concept that exists in the InuYasha universe:

also known as the Sacred Jewel or Shikon Jewel, is a powerful marble-sized jewel which grants whoever possesses it with immense power. Shikon, is formed from the Japanese words, 'shi' meaning four, and 'kon' meaning soul. 四 (in Chinese writing system (ancestoral to Japanese)) means four (shi). 魂 (in Chinese writing system (as well as Japanese)) means soul (kon). 玉 (in Chinese and Japanese) Jade or royal stone (tama). Making the Shikon no Tama.

[taken from Inuyasha Wiki: http://inuyasha.wikia.com/wiki/Shikon_no_Tama]

There are four essential characterisitcs to the Jewel of Four Souls. They are the four souls that are described in the shinto philosophy:

Aramitama (荒魂, Courage), Nigimitama (和魂, Friendship), Kushimitama (奇魂, Wisdom) and Sakimitama (幸魂, Love). When a person contains these for spirits at their maximum, they unite to form a really strong and powerful balance within the soul that can be used for either good or evil.

Some may find it strange to reference anime for philosophic meanderings. But, an anime is just as rich with meaning as a Hollywood or indie movie. The only difference is the cast from one is created visually on paper; the cast from the other are people.

~~~~~~~~~~

Aramitama (荒魂, Courage)
Nigimitama (和魂, Friendship)
Kushimitama (奇魂, Wisdom)
Sakimitama (幸魂, Love)

These four characteristics beautifully sums up the quality of my journey. There will be some things posted that you may find disturbing; some that will make you laugh or cry tears of joy [or sorrow].

If any of us were to take a close look at any one's story, I think there would be room for laughter, tears, and sorrow.

Life...

But as Marcus Aurelius once said: "The Universe is change, and Life a mere opinion."